The concept of "epigenetics" is exactly what I was feeling. And now I have a word to use.
The idea that the fetus that develops in the womb is actually that womb's biological child.
That sounds strange, right? We were taught to believe that the fetus is 1/2 DNA from the sperm-donor and 1/2 DNA from the egg-donor. Meaning, a fetus conceived through egg donation would not be biologically related to the birth mother.
As far as DNA goes, I think that's probably still correct. I have to look deeper into that, but I'm not really that interested in it so who knows when or whether I'll actually look deeper.
Epigenetics is the idea that the womb grows the fetus rather than just being an incubator to the fetus:
Freedom Pharmacy published this great booklet about egg donation -- here an excerpt:
“Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them. So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures. So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.”
Here are some links to the idea of epigenetics (I have not read all the info on them but am simply providing them):
Like I said, I have no doubt that any baby I am lucky enough to push out of my womb (or have extracted through a c-section) would be my baby. I started looking into this idea for two reasons: (1) other peoples' reactions in the future, which I suspect will not always be as supportive as our current friends and family have been, and (2) my husband recently told me, when discussing canceling our last and final "natural" cycle "I want to have a baby with you, not some other woman." He doesn't really mean that and he is excited about egg donation. But when it came down to me saying "let's not even try this month, we have FOUR perfect embryos waiting for us," he thought "but if we have the chance to make our 'own' baby, let's try." I forward all these links and the idea to him and his response was awesome. He said:
That’s pretty good stuff. It’s you that matters here.
Love that man.